for the last 6 months, i have not allowed myself to think about weight watchers. i just kept telling myself i needed to find a method of losing this weight without turning back to my old faithful*.
so i just pushed it out of my mind and didn't allow it to be an option. like. at all.
and then i landed a job interview. and mike found me staring at my closet, touching interview-y type clothes that i knew wouldn't fit no matter how much sucking in i did. clothes that were falling off me a year ago. with this lost look on my face, down and depressed and disgusted with myself.
a little while later we were in the car going somewhere, probably to get food that wasn't going to help the situation. and he said it. "do you want to go back on weight watchers?" i immediately said no. that wasn't going to make anything different.
and then i proceeded to spend the next 24 hours thinking about nothing but weight watchers. how successful i had been on it not once but twice. losing 45 pounds in a year, maintaining for another three years, and then back on it to lose the last 15 pounds last summer (2011), putting me at my lowest weight since i was 10 and playing softball everyday.
i had been telling myself for the last 6 months that i didn't have to go on weight watchers to lose this pesky 30 pounds i gained. that there were other ways that didn't require a monthly fee. that i could do this on my own this time.
and i have now failed so many times in the last 3 months, its disgustingly embarrassing.
and then m put the thought in my head and i knew its what i had to do.
i was going to use a knock-off ww app that a blog friend told me about and i tried it for a few days but it was frustrating me so much, i wasn't motivated at all to use it.
so about 20 minutes before writing this post, i did it.
goodbye $56 for the first 3 months, hello plan that i know i can be successful on. a plan i know as well as i know my own street address.
i'm nervous. i won't lie.
i know i can do this but i'm having a very self-deprecating dialogue running in my head right now. and i'm so pissed at myself and can't seem to get over that.
but whatever. have to move forward.
weigh in day - wednesday
monthly update post - last thursday of the month
jumping back on the wagon and determined to get back to where i want to be, where i am most comfortable, where i can walk out the door feeling confident instead of ashamed, embarrassed, and less than happy.
although i am the last person who should be giving tips right given how far off the wagon i fell, i do have my arsenal of tricks from the past. so please let me know... i'd love to support you. truly.
and if you have an awesome low point snacks you want to throw my way, please do. i need new yummy stuff to get excited about.
*history: joined weight watchers in january 2007 attending meetings every saturday morning. followed the plan and stuck with the meetings before canceling my membership for money reasons in april 2008. i had lost just over 40 pounds. i maintained from mid 2008 thru mid 2011. while maintaining, i managed to lose another 8-10 pounds without trying. then in the summer of 2011, i decided i wanted to get rid of the last 10-15 pounds to be at "goal weight" and rejoined weight watchers doing the online version only (no meetings). i lost another 10 pounds to be at my lowest weight yet which is where i was when i left my ex-husband and moved back to southern california in november 2011. i had lost a total of 56.8 pounds.