Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Summertime >>> Fair Time

A couple weeks ago, M and I were bored and decided to take advantage of the last days of the county fair. Neither of us were interested in the rides but there was a dog show that day and really, the fair is a fantabulous place to people watch, a favorite past time of ours. 

these people are crazy. i could never. 
have i mentioned i hate rollercoasters or anything stomach-dropping?
 For years, I have wanted to try one thing and never have...

Fried Oreos.
They were so good... so so good. 

we bought fedoras.
#57 - Take pictures in a photobooth. Check. [101 in 1001]

Oh hey, Handsome.

 #30 - Go to a county fair. Check. [101 in 1001]

Monday, August 27, 2012

on that whole weight thing i've been avoiding...

I've put off writing this post for months because I've had a hard time dealing with it (still am) and admitting that I let it happen. But its time. And I value being real and honest. And I believe it happens to the best of us. So here goes....

I gained 30 pounds back in the first 6 months after walking out the door of my home in Sacramento.

I am not proud of this. In fact, I am completely ashamed and disgusted with myself for allowing it to happen.

If you've been around my tiny little slice of the world for awhile, you may remember that I went on Weight Watchers in 2007 and lost 40 pounds in a year (kinda slow, I know, but I did it my way) and then a few years later after maintaining for awhile, I lost another 15 pounds for a total of 56.6 pounds (exact total). I was at my lowest weight in October with only 5 pounds left to lose to be at my goal weight.

When I moved back home, there were multiple reasons for the weight gain. The obvious reason being the emotional turmoil of the whole situation. But that definitely wasn't the only reason.


1. The obvious - going through a divorce, especially the first couple months, is such an emotionally draining process and food is such a comfort (not for everyone but for a lot of us.. ahem. me).

2. Freedom - X was very concerned with my weight and me not having any extra "pudge" hanging around and I was very controlled when it came to food. (although my joining weight watchers was not forced by him... that was my decision.)  After leaving, I took my new freedom to shop and eat a little too far. To be honest, I think it was kind of a necessary part of the process after such an intense amount of control. Things that I was never allowed to purchase or eat before became part of my healing a little. Not the best choice but it is what it is now.

3. Parents - Living with my parent's proved to make the weight thing challenging even when I wanted to do better. I didn't buy a ton of my own food and generally just wasn't comfortable enough to take over the kitchen and make my own food. My dad makes amazing meals but they aren't always terribly healthy so having dinners and weekends out of my control didn't help.

4. Dating - when I met Mike, I was probably about 15 pounds heavier than when I first left X. Then there's the new dating process and the fact that we both had temporarily moved back into our parent's after being out on our own awhile and that means a lot of eating out. And of course just enjoying each other. Being spontaneous and having fun. And not obsessing over numbers and such. So hello another extra 15 pounds tacked on.

So now what...

I'm having a really hard time wrapping my head around this weight gain. I am so disappointed in myself for letting it get so bad and going so far backwards. I worked so hard to get to where I got and was so proud of myself. On top of that, I have this block in my head that is making me feel like I will never lose the weight again. I was really overweight, lost 55 pounds, and then gained 30 back. I feel like I can never get it back off again. So emotionally, I'm struggling with it.

But I am working on it.

M and I started going to the gym about a month and a half ago and I've been trying to eat better. I'm really not following Weight Watchers anymore because I can't afford the membership right now and I want to be able to do this without paying a company for the long term. I want to learn the right way to handle it for the rest of my life when things may come up.

We got off track with going to the gym a few weeks ago so the exercise thing isn't happening at the moment and I am trying to figure out the best way to incorporate it into our day with everything else going on right now.

In the first month (July 23rd - August 23rd) I lost 3 pounds and 8 inches. Its a start. Slow but then eating healthy got difficult while my grandma was in the hospital for 2 weeks since we were late night grabbing food on breaks from sitting with her. Not making excuses, just being real with how things have been in life lately and how to make this all work alongside the unexpected-s in life.

Its difficult. And it scares me. But I am determined to get back where I want to be. And M wants to too since he has gained a good 20-30 pounds as well. The difference is he is a boy and its easier for boys in general. And he has gained and lost so many times it doesn't phase him. He knows exactly what to do to get rid of it whenever he wants. I, on the other hand, struggle with it in so many ways.

So that's that. Minus 55... plus 30... minus 35? Maybe? Hopefully....?

That's the goal... lose at least 35 pounds to get to goal weight. Soon preferably.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

101 in 1001

A few weeks ago, I suggested to M that we create a 101 in 1001 list to do together to keep our weekends fun and interesting and he was totally on board and loved the idea. It took me forever and a day to come up with all 101 things with some input from M but I have finally gotten there. So without further ado... our list.

1. Find and do a devotional together.
2. Make 25 new (to both) recipes. [15/25]
3. Find/join a church.
4. Have "us" talks on a regular basis.
5. M teach A to drive a stick shift.
6. Create a goals chart.
7. Plant a garden.
8. Grow into praying together.
9. Find a relationship book to read together.
10. Participate in a charity walk together.
11. Have true date nights once a month (at least).
12. Read 101 books (between the two of us). [6/101]
13. Use our pinterest boards for inspiration to create.
14. Foster friendships and develop "couple friends".
15. Sign up and use
16. Get to our healthy (and happy) goal weights.
17. Pay off the furniture.
18. Reduce credit card debt.
19. Treat each other to $100 shopping spree for every 10 pounds lost.
20. Decorate our walls.
21. Get patio furniture.

22. Take a Europe trip.
23. Take a weekend trip.
24. Go to San Francisco
25. San Diego trip.
26. Catalina trip.
27. Visit a city in California we've never been to.
28. Take M to A's favorite places in Northern California.

(stuff we've done separately but not yet together.. except a few things that are new to one or both of us altogether)

29. Watch the Lord of the Rings series (M's favorite... no, I've never seen it...)
30. Go to a county fair. [8/11/2012]
31. See a concert together.
32. Go bowling.
33. Go miniature golfing.
34. Go to the shooting range. (eeek!)
35. Get a Wii. [7/22/2012]
36. Go to the driving range.
37. Go to Disneyland. [11/5/12 & 12/5/12]
38. Have a beach day.
39. Make ice cream from scratch.
40. Go to a drive-in movie.
41. Go to the Hollywood Bowl.
42. Be in the audience of a TV show.
43. Host a party.
44. Attend a professional sports game.
45. Visit a zoo or aquarium.
46. Have a fondue night.
47. Go hiking.
48. Go to a museum.
49. Go to a waterpark.
50. Scavenger hunt fun.
51. Walk home in the rain.
52. Whale watching.
53. Medieval Times with Pirates.
54. Kayaking.
55. Sea World Day.
56. Balboa Fun Zone. [3/2/2013]
57. Take pictures in a photobooth. [8/11/2012]
58. Have a photography day. 
59. Have a dinner party with friends.
60. Build a snowman.

61. Go on a picnic.
62. Take a bath together.
63. Get beach cruisers.
64. Kiss at least 1001 times (M's input... such a sweetie :)
65. Have professional pictures taken together.
66. See 100 new (to both) movies. [7/100]
67. Take a yoga class.
68. Murder Mystery Boat.
69. Go to Sky Room.
70. Take a cooking class together.
71. Go to In Cahoots.
72. See a Broadway play.
73. Get a couples massage.
74. Cross off 50 restaurants on The List (we have a list of restaurants he wants to go to together)
75. Spend an entire day lounging in bed.
76. Celebrate our 1 year anniversary. [3/2/2013 - 3/4/2013]
77. Go on a bike ride together.
78. Purchase our favorite books from our childhood.
79. Visit a winery.
80. Recreate the first date.
81. Breakfast in bed.
82. Spend the entire day reading together.
83. Decorate our first Christmas tree.
84. Create Blurb books for each year together.
85. Watch the sun rise and set in the same day.
86. Fly a kite.
87. Bake cookies together.
88. Spend the day at the park with M drawing.
89. Have a pillow fight.
90. Cross off 50 movies on The List (another list M made of all the movies I should have and haven't seen)

91. Launch [our company name here] (its a secret!)
92. Rescue a puppy from the pound. [8/4/2012]
93. Grow Corner with Love.
94. Buy a condo/townhouse.
95. Work towards the next stages of our relationship.
96. Get a new car for A.
97. Get new jobs. (1/2)
98. Create a joint blog.
99. Grow our 4 blogs (more on this soon...).
100. Purchase 2 new lenses for the dSLR. (1/2)
101. Complete this list and make a new one.

{Italics - in progress}
{Bold - completed.}

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Wordless Wednesday (and a giveaway link!)

From the fair.. more soon. (Ignore that top pic... we weren't ready :P )

Also, I've been sponsoring From Mrs. to Mama for the last month and today is spotlight day over on her blog. I also wanted to do a giveaway so if you've been wanting to pretty up your camera, head over to enter to win any ruffle camera strap cover of the winner's choice!

Monday, August 13, 2012

on my "nanny"...

I have some really fun pictures of M and I's day at the fair recently but they have yet to be edited and its been a rough life-day so I'm saving that for later in the week. I need to let the words flow out right now.

In March/April-ish I posted about my grandma in the hospital after a heart attack. It ended up being 3 heart attacks when all was said and done. They could have done open heart surgery but determined at her age (85) and size (she is 4'10" and weighs 85lbs), if she made it off the table, she wouldn't last much longer. It was essentially a go home, eat good foods, read good books, spend as much time with loved ones as possible and enjoy life. They put her on meds to keep it under control but assumed she would eventually just keep having small attacks until they stopped for good...

She lived with my parents and I for a month or so and then headed home. Since, she has been gaining back strength and getting back to life on a new set of meds. We take her to and from her hair appointment every Friday and to the grocery store every weekend.

Two Thursdays ago, while my family was 3 hours away camping, I received a phone call from my grandma telling me she felt nauseous and dizzy and wanted me to take her to the ER. I flew down the road and got her to the ER where we spent 5 hours before she was admitted. I was with her for 3 days straight until my family got home and she went home on Tuesday. Then this past Thursday, she called my mom in even worse shape and she was rushed to the ER by ambulance. We have been in the hospital since. And today the bad news came.

Let me back up. When I brought her in a week and a half ago, they found she had Diverticulitus which is essentially an infection in the intestines. She has had diverticulotis for years and when it becomes itus, that means its infected. They gave her IV antibiotics for all those days, then sent her home on oral medication. When we came back in, they originally thought her body just wasn't handling the oral meds well.

They have determined that they think a medication they put her on for her heart is causing all of the gastrointestinal problems. If they take her off that, the heart attacks will start up again. If they don't, she will spend every waking minute as incredibly miserable as she is right now. End story... she's dying.

*deep breath*

My sister and my dad left work around 2 today for us to all meet with a hospice company. Apparently hospice isn't just for people who only have a week left anymore. Its for anyone who they determine most likely only have 6 months or less to live. Essentially they come in and make things more comfortable for them and are the first response when they get worse.

Its a lot to take in.

Unless something is found in one last test they do tomorrow, she will most likely go home to my parents to a hospital bed and get comfortable to try to enjoy life as best as possible until the end comes.

I would be lying if I said this hasn't hit me incredibly hard today. I felt it coming as I wasn't seeing her bounce back like she has done every other time in the past but it doesn't soften the blow when the words are said from a doctor.

I have no idea what tomorrow or the next days are going to look like but I know it won't be easy. But then things like this never are....

Thursday, August 9, 2012

just some thoughts...

my head is swimming, swimming, with so much on my plate right now. overwhelmed is not an accurate word to describe my current state of being. so bulleted thoughts are the best i can do at the moment.

  • i am on the job hunt. i hate job hunting because its overwhelming and confusing. i never really know what to look for or how to search for the right thing. and its so hard these days to get anyone to contact you back. its like you have to send in a naked picture with your resume to get an employers attention lately. not. gonna. happen.
  • speaking of naked (wow, worst transition ever)... i've gained more weight than i care to admit since the little business of leaving X. there are many reasons for that (not just your basic, food is my emotional friend, reason... but yes, that too). and i keep thinking of this post about it and writing it in my head but for some reason the fingers will not do what the brain is asking. i will get the courage one of these hot beautiful days.
  • speaking of hot (hey! much better transition) i hate the heat. i want it to be a good solid 70 degrees everyday. with a couple of cozy rainy weekends thrown in there. this summer is making me miss northern california only a little bit. otherwise? do not miss. but i remember doing field trips with the kids in the summer up there (when i worked in after school care) and feeling like 85 was just too dang hot. most of the summer was between 75-80 and anything above that was too much. i would give close to anything for 85 right now. this 90, 95, 100, 105, record breaking temps crap? not. a. fan. welcome back to southern california. you'd think i would remember this from, ya know, growing up here. but no. do not like.
  • my grandma is struggling. i need her to get healthy because i need her to stick around awhile longer. this whole heart attack/risk of stroke/infections nonsense has got to stop. i don't know why she won't listen to me. i spent last thursday night through sunday in the hospital with her and then a little on monday before she went home tuesday. its so stressful and exhausting and my heart aches for her little 84 pound, 85 year old body struggling :(
  • my dog is a nervous pee-er. i know. you're feeling for me right now. ever since she ran away and i spent 20 minutes chasing her, she has been nervous peeing when we come home. i got home yesterday and she peed in 6 different spots in a matter of 5 minutes when i walked in. then M got home and she did the same thing again. she only started this two days ago. good times.
  • speaking of good times (i'm done. i swear), M and i started a 101 in 1001 list together. it technically started August 1st but since i only have 67 items so far, i can't post it yet. i need some inspiration. fun things to do together. ready. set. go!
  • there is more. oh so much more. but i need to go meet my seester for lunch at Cafe Rio (oh my yum) so we'll leave it at that until my brain can manage to write a real post of substance :)

happy tomorrow-is-friday day!

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


So we got a puppy. I know. We're crazy.

we had casually mentioned last weekend "hey, maybe we should think about getting a dog" 

then on Monday, M came home early and was causally looking at dogs on google images and I said "hey, let's go to the pound for fun and look around."

and we talked on the way there about how he had rescued his dog, Lucky, that stays at his parents house but it had taken him months and 8 trips to 3 different pounds to find and choose him. and "hey, this could take awhile but it'll be fun"

and then we saw and played with and fell in love with this munchkin about 20 minutes after arriving.

and then we sat on a bench at the pound and talked about what this would mean and should we get her and oh my gosh, really?! did we really just find a puppy on the first trip to the pound?! are we sure?!
at the pound when we found her

and then we played with her again in their little visiting area. and then we were sure and we paid our money and rescued this sweet 6-month(ish) old Beagle Mix from the evil drug that would end her life. 

we picked her up on Saturday after her surgery on Friday. and she has been ours ever since. 
the day we got her
the first day she was SO good. didn't eat anything, didn't pee in the house, didn't rip anything up. 

its been all downhill since....

(still doesn't pee in the house other than once that seems to have been a fluke. she's good about waiting til we walk her.)

but its really hard to stay mad at this face:

she even knows when she's in trouble and hides her little face...
left: yesterday when i got home from the hospital and she had found everything within reach to play with
right: yesterday when she started barking and growling at me while i was taking pics of her with the dSLR
today she is in major big-time trouble after bolting out the door and running free for over 20 minutes while I chased her/tried to catch her in 90 degree weather wearing black skinny jeans. i was on the verge of passing out by the time I caught her and carried her home from the other side of the apartment complex. she is not on my good side right now but its hard not to love her anyway...