Tuesday, June 26, 2012

bittersweet: thoughts on moving out of my parent's house

i move in 3 days. 3 little days and i have my own place. i am beyond excited. can hardly contain the excitement. pathetically giddy.

and since you'll know soon enough and since i decided about the time my life stopped going the way i expected that i just don't care what other people think or judge me for and since some of you have already figured it out, mk and i are moving into a new apartment together. more on that later. that's not the point of this particular post.

as move-in day nears, i've been thinking a little about this time of living with my parents again for the past 8 months.

i moved out when i was 19 and to an apartment 6 hours, 375 miles away. i then moved back into my parent's house when i was 22 to finish planning a wedding and (supposedly) find a house and a job in the southern california area. that didn't work out but those stories don't matter now. i lived there for about 4 months and then went back to northern california.

and finally, i came back to their house on november 4th where i have been ever since.

this last time of coming back? was a completely different ball game.

i had been on my own for 7 years and not just on my own, but 6 hours away too. its not the easiest thing to return home after 7 years of being 375 miles away in itself. add on to that the reason i was returning and it wasn't always easy.

that's not to say for one moment that i am not grateful. in fact, that's kind of why this time of moving out is slightly bittersweet (emphasis on the sweet though).

i see this last 8 months of living with my parents as a soft place to land, a safe haven if you will.

at one of my lowest points in life. in a time when i was confused and hurt and angry and depressed. when i was lost as to how i had let my life get to this point. i had loving arms embracing me as i laughed, yelled, cried, sighed, and just wanted to be left alone.

it was a time of serious transition. of finding myself again. of contemplation and reflection. of frustration, anger, sadness, bitterness, happiness, lovingness, and contentment.

it was exactly what i needed when i needed it.

and i see that chapter as closing now.

that's where the slight bitter side comes in. although i'm not bitter, its more just a feeling of being ever so grateful for the soft place to land and the loving arms of my parents as i made the hardest and best decision of my life.

i have come a hell of a long way from where i was 8 months ago.

i am a new person but an old person at the same time. i am different than i was for the last 7 years. but its the old girl i was before someone entered my life who stripped me of all the good things about me. that old girl from the young age of 19, just a lot more grown up and matured.

and you know what? for the most part, i love this girl. i love getting to be me again and i love rediscovering myself. and i love that i have found somebody who loves me exactly as i am. who made a point of telling me early on that he wanted to find that girl again. that the person i was before my ex was the girl he wanted to get to know and love. and i am loving rediscovering who i am with the worlds best partner holding my hand through it all.

so as i move in to a new (awesome) place with a really great guy on friday, i will smile at the past 8 months and be thankful for my wonderful parents and how great life has become since packing up my car and saying the most important goodbye of my life. and hello to the new old me.


5 comments:

Jessica said...

I am so happy you are happy!!! This is all great news!!

Sonya said...

Oh Ashley! It is so good to hear that things are going well. I am so incredibly happy for you.

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

This is great Ashley! I'm so happy for you!

Kristin said...

thats great news!

Megan Philly said...

Great Post, i'm always looking for movers and their opinions, i always move towns... mostly norristown and back. I have a consistant Norristown movers
with which i always move with