Tuesday, June 26, 2012

bittersweet: thoughts on moving out of my parent's house

i move in 3 days. 3 little days and i have my own place. i am beyond excited. can hardly contain the excitement. pathetically giddy.

and since you'll know soon enough and since i decided about the time my life stopped going the way i expected that i just don't care what other people think or judge me for and since some of you have already figured it out, mk and i are moving into a new apartment together. more on that later. that's not the point of this particular post.

as move-in day nears, i've been thinking a little about this time of living with my parents again for the past 8 months.

i moved out when i was 19 and to an apartment 6 hours, 375 miles away. i then moved back into my parent's house when i was 22 to finish planning a wedding and (supposedly) find a house and a job in the southern california area. that didn't work out but those stories don't matter now. i lived there for about 4 months and then went back to northern california.

and finally, i came back to their house on november 4th where i have been ever since.

this last time of coming back? was a completely different ball game.

i had been on my own for 7 years and not just on my own, but 6 hours away too. its not the easiest thing to return home after 7 years of being 375 miles away in itself. add on to that the reason i was returning and it wasn't always easy.

that's not to say for one moment that i am not grateful. in fact, that's kind of why this time of moving out is slightly bittersweet (emphasis on the sweet though).

i see this last 8 months of living with my parents as a soft place to land, a safe haven if you will.

at one of my lowest points in life. in a time when i was confused and hurt and angry and depressed. when i was lost as to how i had let my life get to this point. i had loving arms embracing me as i laughed, yelled, cried, sighed, and just wanted to be left alone.

it was a time of serious transition. of finding myself again. of contemplation and reflection. of frustration, anger, sadness, bitterness, happiness, lovingness, and contentment.

it was exactly what i needed when i needed it.

and i see that chapter as closing now.

that's where the slight bitter side comes in. although i'm not bitter, its more just a feeling of being ever so grateful for the soft place to land and the loving arms of my parents as i made the hardest and best decision of my life.

i have come a hell of a long way from where i was 8 months ago.

i am a new person but an old person at the same time. i am different than i was for the last 7 years. but its the old girl i was before someone entered my life who stripped me of all the good things about me. that old girl from the young age of 19, just a lot more grown up and matured.

and you know what? for the most part, i love this girl. i love getting to be me again and i love rediscovering myself. and i love that i have found somebody who loves me exactly as i am. who made a point of telling me early on that he wanted to find that girl again. that the person i was before my ex was the girl he wanted to get to know and love. and i am loving rediscovering who i am with the worlds best partner holding my hand through it all.

so as i move in to a new (awesome) place with a really great guy on friday, i will smile at the past 8 months and be thankful for my wonderful parents and how great life has become since packing up my car and saying the most important goodbye of my life. and hello to the new old me.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

the first date

**i was clicking from blog to blog today (when i should have been organizing... procrastination much?!) and reading many a post about love stories (there was a linky that distracted me major. i blame it) and it hit me that i have this unique opportunity to tell my love story as it happens. so many of us start blogging after the wedding or after the engagement or whatever and tell the story of years ago. but I met MK only a few months ago and our love story is still unfolding. so why not tell it as it happens? fun. so with that... here is the story of the first date.**
a little back story/reminder: MK and I met on match and exchanged a lot of emails and then texts/phone calls before meeting in person. this is the story of that first handshake hug.....

it was 7:00ish on a sunday morning. mk and i had been texting the night before and i woke up to my daily "good morning (beautiful, cutie, pretty girl, sunshine, etc.)" text. we had been texting for a couple weeks and had talked about meeting up but this particular weekend, mk had a birthday party to go to on saturday and a remodel project all day sunday (he committed to helping his dad entirely gut and remodel his grandma's old home and they work every sunday and now saturdays too) so we were planning to meet the next weekend for the first time.

after the good morning text, while still laying in bed, i get a text that immediately sent butterflies swarming through my stomach and a stupid pathetic grin on my face. it said (i just scrolled through months of texts to find the exact words for memory purposes so this is word for word) "sooo, remodel go put on hold because we didn't get some materials or something and everyone is lazy so i was thinking of asking you if you wanted to see each other today? if its too last minute i totally understand though :)

i respond with "i'd love to :)"

he tells me he'll get back to me when he decides on a time and i jump out of bed to get a shower, nervous already.

an hour passes and i haven't heard about a time yet. finally i get a text asking me if i want to meet at 11:30 at Starbucks in a local promenade area with restaurants, movie theaters, boutique shops, etc. then before i can respond a second text comes in changing the time to 12. i say sure and try to figure out what in the world to wear.

fast forward to about 10:00ish when i go out to where my mom is watching tv and proceed to, as nonchalantly as possible, mention in passing that i'm going on a date in an hour or so. she tries to be just as casual as she asks who i'm going on a date with, how i met him (at this point i had told her i was on match but not much else), and where i'm going on this date. i answer her questions and then go hide in my room for awhile to avoid any more quizzes.

11:35 hits (the minutes ticked by so. slow for that last hour) and he texts "see you soon :)" i decide i can't wait any longer or i may just die from nervousness. so i head to the promenade knowing i'll get there too early.

as i'm nearing i get a text that he is there and sitting at a table in starbucks waiting for me. i thought i might pass out right then. (have i ever mentioned how insanely shy/awkward/nervous i get when meeting new people. its bad. to the point that some people have thought i was a stuck up b.itch because i was just so shy, i barely talked. so meeting a guy? triples that shy nervousness)

i park, and start walking up slowly. i'm playing with my phone to keep myself from dying and walk up and he's sitting at the very first table facing the window watching me walk in.

we do the whole awkward hug thing and i start to sit down when he asks if i want a drink. we both walk up to the counter and he orders us the drinks (we had texted about our favorite starbucks drink before). he technically orders it wrong and misses an ingredient (we agreed we love passion tea lemonade but he orders just passion tea without the lemonade) but i'm too nervous to correct him so i let it slide. (i think we later talked about the fact that the drink seemed different and i think i told him it was because he ordered it without the lemonade.)

anyway, we sit at starbucks for about 30 minutes drinking our drinks and talking and i don't make eye contact hardly at all because i suuuuuuck at eye contact when i first meet and get to know someone. i don't know what it is. i kept looking over at this display of coffee beans and i remember at one point he glanced back to see what i kept staring at but didn't say anything.

while talking at starbucks we get on subject of first dates and he tells me he thinks movies on a first date are kind of lame because you just sit there and don't get to interact.

he then asks if i've eaten and i say no and we go over to a place that makes sandwiches out of waffles. at both starbucks and this place i try to pay for myself but he won't have it. he buys us lunch and we sit at a long hightop table with a family at the other end. we talked more and then decided to walk around the promenade.

we walk about halfway down across the street from the theater and he stops and says "you wanna just see a movie" so i say sure. (i still tease him about his declaration that movies on a first date are lame and then asking me to see a movie on our first date but he's since admitted he just didn't know what else to do but wasn't ready for the date to be over.)

we end up seeing "Project: X" (so so so lame and stupid but so lame and stupid that we laughed and made fun of it the whole time). when we go to buy the tickets, i remember saying "should i even bother getting my wallet out?" and he said "absolutely not" and then tells me that he's not too old fashioned but some things should still remain.

halfway through the movie he gets up to go to the bathroom and touches my leg as he does and when he comes back we play the old my hand is here and yours is there but not quite holding hands yet until he gets the nerve to just go for it and we proceed to hold hands for the rest of the date (well... except when i went to the bathroom at the end of the movie. cause that would just be weird.)

after the movie we still aren't ready for goodbyes so we start walking again and sit by a fountain holding hands outside of a cost plus. we talk for awhile and then finally he says we should probably get home (i later found out it was because after all these hours he needed to finally smoke and refused to ever let me see him physically smoke... he ended up quitting 4 weeks later) and walks me to my car.

he hugs me (first kiss didn't come til date number 2) and i offer one last time to drive him home so he didn't have to wait for his mom... wait did i forget to mention the funniest part about our date? he'll kill me but... he had been in a car accident shortly before and the woman totalled his car and he had been driving his motorcycle but it needed to go to the shop so he had to have his mom drop him off and pick him up. yep. my 29-year-old boyfriend had his mommy drop him off for our first date. lol.

on my way home, while on the phone debriefing with my best friend, he sends a text that says "i had fun with you today :) ridiculous movie and all haha"

later he tells me he's going to have to take me on a proper date...
and then asks what my first impressions were and proceeds to say a slew of insanely sweet things that had me grinning from ear to ear for at least the next hour.

date number 2 involved dinner at the improv to see pauly shore and then a drive to his old high school makeout spot where we had our fireworks first kiss. yes, it was the ever so cheesy and cliche fireworks style first kiss. and i remember that night, after i got home, texting my best friend and all the text said was "boy can kiss!" it was good stuff.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012



his real name is Mike but MK seems more fun for the bloggity. This was taken a couple months ago when we both had the day off and he decided to spend the day taking pictures with me. 

He knows photography is a major passion of mine and knows i haven't gotten many chances to enjoy that passion so he's all supportive like and encourages me to do the things i love. like take pictures :) especially of him ;)

more pictures from that little day at the park soon 

for awhile, friends were asking for a picture of him and although i've posted stuff on instagram, i thought i'd put something here too. so here he is. lookin all handsome and such.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

a little remodel

so i redid the bloggity. i just got this wild hair up my butt and decided to play around with things in my head. and then it became just too fun. and i became too obsessed with learning photoshop 10 in the process. that i just kept going. more things will be added but its pretty enough for now :)

now that i had fun remodeling, i guess its time to actually blog. what a concept.

for now, here are some updates on life in the past few months, list style.

---film festival came and went and i still work here. some days are better than others---

---i am patiently (not really) awaiting a package in the mail from my ex to sign some last papers and get this whole thing behind me. the clock on completion has already started but there are a few more things to take care of and i want it all done and over with.---

---things with MK are amazing and wonderful. there are no adequate words for how good and different and real it is with him. and there are no adequate words for how happy he makes me. i often tell him he's my favorite. and he is.---

---i am moving out of my parents (finally) in just 16 days and i'm super excited. more about that later.---

---my little brother is graduating high school this week and i feel old. also, he's super sad about graduation. personally? i couldn't wait for high school to be over. but for him? it was the best time of his life thus far so he's all sad. but he leaves for college soon and he loves where he's going so it'll be good.---

---MK has netflix. and watches shows that i never watch. which means i have like 3 new show obsessions that i am currently watching every season/episode of. its fun---

that's all for now. a picture of MK is comin to the bloggity tomorrow. get excited. ;)

happy tuesday.