Tuesday, March 13, 2012


I don't know how to date...

It's true. Hear me out.

I was 19 when I met my ex. He lived 400 miles away and we did the whole long distance thing for 6 months. I then moved to the area of California he was living in and moved in with him. There wasn't a lot of convential dating involved. Sure we "dated" before living together but for us dating meant a weekend of intense time together spending as many minutes as we could cram into that weekend together doing as many things as possible (get your minds outta the gutter.. not like that). He was in So Cal? That meant Disneyland, Sea World, Universal, dinners with my family, dates out, movies, cuddling, kissing, talking, whatever. I was in Nor Cal? Horse races, dinners with family, San Francisco, Sacramento, dates out, movies, cuddling, kissing, talking, whatever. All normal dating stuff but crammed into 2 or 3 days together and then one of us would hop on a plane, go home, and not see each other for 2 or 3 weeks. That's not real dating. He told me he loved me very early on. He met my parents moments after meeting me in person (we met online - no not a dating site, it was a fluke). The whole thing moved fast and was intense in those "dating" months.

Before that, I dated a little but not a ton. I did have one other kind of relationship (rebound/crazy-status much?!) since my ex and I separated but even that wasn't conventional dating and was completely ridiculous.

So I don't know how to date. And I certainly don't know how to date someone that actually lives in the same county. Its always been different.

I mean do you talk on the phone daily? Is a day (or multiple days) of just texting normal? Is one date a week typical? Even when the person lives 20 minutes or less from you?

I don't know. This is a whole new ballgame for me.

But its fun. And I'll be honest... I kind of feel like I'm living those 20s I never lived since I moved in with a guy at 19, was engaged at 21 and married at 23. Now at 26, I'm actually dating like a normal 20-something.

[disclaimer... that is not to say there is anything wrong with getting married young. Plenty of people find the perfect (for them) person when they are young and stay happy and in love for their whole lives. Please understand I am not trying to be negative on that situation with that last paragraph. It would have been great and I would be happy to have that situation had my ex not continually put me down and emotionally abused me on a regular basis.]

Wanna give me some big girl, real life dating tips?! I'll take 'em! :)


Krissa said...

I need advice myself... and i hate dating right now! ugh...

Jess said...

This is so interesting, because I just realized that I've never dated "normally" either.

There was high school relationships. While they are real, they aren't grown-up.... you see him about a dozen times a day, in class, at lunch, and in the halls.

Since then, it's been workplace. Again, not "normal." You still see one another all.the.time. You are constantly transitioning between your work relationship and your personal relationship.... sometimes in a matter if milliseconds (No, really. A quick work chat can become something else with a sly look or discreet touch).

So, we kind of have opposite experience, but the same problem.... how to date "normally."

Kristin said...

I miss the days of dating!! haha. if I was single now and having a hard time meeting people, I would prob go to eharmony!

Lisa said...

I don't know that I ever dated "normally" either.

My ex-husband and I met online as well (also, not on a dating site). He lived in Ohio, I live in Texas. There was a lot of back and forth yadda yadda. Got married when we were 22, divorced when we were 26.

Since then, I met Dan, "dated", fell in love and got re-married. Things between Dan and I seemed to go pretty fast because we both knew what we wanted in the relationship. I wanted everything that wasn't my ex! He and I didn't talk on the phone every day, we very rarely talked on the phone actually, unless it was texting. The only time we had real phone talks was when I went back home to TX for a visit.

Anyway, sorry I can't give you any REAL dating advice, but just do whatever feels good for you and makes you happy. Is there really a "normal" dating? :)

Krystie said...

I met Carlos online, and we dated for 3 years. We didn't always have weekly dates because I was in college and he worked full time. We talked on the phone every 2 days in the very beginning, as things "sparked" maybe 3 or 4 dates in we talked on the phone daily in the evening.Texting wasn't "in" back then ( 10 years ago!) so we spent hours talking to one another. Eventually he started sleeping over for the weekend, and vice versa. At 3 years we moved in and still make it a point now to have weekly date nights and just spend time together. I'm glad you're getting out there to experience the "dating" scene again!

LWLH said...

Not sure if I ever dated normally myself. Had high school boyfriends but those were immature relationships.

Not many guys ever took me out on 'date' dates except for Big Man.

Sonya said...

Dating is whatever you want to make of it! Brian and I would talk on the phone until the early morning hours, go out to dinner, watch movies, hang out with one another, whatever we wanted to do.

That was before the texting age but I certainly think that texting is a part of dating nowadays.

Have fun, don't put constraints or anything else like that on it.

Dating is all about discovering this new person you've met, learning about them and them learning about you. There are all kinds of ways to do that.

Just make sure he is a gentlemen, opening doors and things like that. ;)

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Girl, I remember being at that place before I started dating Josh. It's hard to meet people and date in your 20's but I met josh through friends and work.